A Work In Progress

Well, believe it or not, I did not drop off the face of the earth. I am lousy at following through with things, I will get that out on the table right now. I am determined not to "belly-flop" though, consider me mid-dive.

I have officially lost all the baby weight which is a wonderful feeling. I gained back most of the weight I lost, but have managed to lose it all plus a few more pounds (about 11-12 pounds total) in the last two and a half weeks. If I keep my focus, I am able to progress. I am so dissappointed in myself, though, for all the time wasted. I have a million reasons why it hasn't happened like I planned. Some are legitimate reasons and some are just excuses. But I am working on it.

I wish I had more self-discipline. I am learning everyday of new weaknesses I posess, or I guess I should say I am starting to recognize existing weaknesses. I want so badly to overcome each and every one of them immediately and become this perfect, strong woman. It has been a great struggle this past week or so to realize that that is not going to happen as quickly as I would like.


I don't know that I have ever been so tired, er, exhausted, in my entire life. There have certainly been times when I have felt worn down and burned out, but there has generally always been a respite following them. Right now, I see no respite in sight. I love being a mother with every fiber of my being. It is truly the role I feel most qualified to play in life. Everyone tells you how tired you will be, but I don't know if it is a concept one can even comprehend until they find themselves here, carrying this mantle that is motherhood. I was not, am not, prepared for the strain of sleepless night after sleepless night. It is taking a toll on me. Little A has had double ear infections followed by teething followed by more double ear infections followed by more teething, for the last 4 months. She sleeps so well during the day for her naps and is the picture of pleasantness, but nighttime rolls around and she is up consistently two to three times a night. Add to that the fact that my husband works a swing shift, and my nights are shot. I wake up around 6:30 am and lay in a fog for an hour.

I need to find a solution. The looming thought of weaning Little A has been on the forefront of my mind lately. It breaks my heart, but I know that in order to lose the weight I need to lose it is going to have to take place. It also might help her sleep through the night better. But she WILL NOT take formula or milk. This is foreign territory for me, and I am at a loss.

That is how I feel right now... at a loss.

I apologize for the length of this post, and the fact that it is likely not coherent. But I feel like things are sorted out a little better in my head...and isn't that the point?

Weigh-In

Week 3 Results:

Pounds lost : 2
Inches lost: 1" total
Hips: 0"
Waist: .5"
Chest: .5"

Simply stated, progress is rewarding! I was down four pounds at one point midweek, but a birthday dinner with the in-laws took care of two of those for me. Like Peter has said - this is probably more sustainable than large amounts lost one week and none the next.

Ok, so my goal for this week (besides losing some more L B's) is to come up with a decent workout playlist. It is amazing how something so silly can make or break your enegry level, and quite frankly, my list sucks right now. I am sending out my plea to blogdom! Help me save my playlist!! Leave me 3+ songs (artist and title) down there in the comment section that you love to work out to. I will publish my finalized list once I have one that I feel I can listen to for more than one session.

Weigh-In

Let's just get this out on the table:

Week 2 Results:

Pounds lost : 0 (But at least it wasn't a gain.)

Inches lost*: 1.5" total
Hips: 0"
Waist: 1"
Chest: .5"

I am disappointed, but not surprised. I let too many things interfere this past week like the weather, a child who decided sleeping at night was not her cup of tea, and the risidual soreness from a few Pilates workouts. The excercising is not a problem, as long as I get it done. I really enjoy my workouts, and they provide some much-appreciated solo time that is so rare as a new mom.

I try to only buy healthy foods and make most everything from scratch. I avoid prepackaged, easy-to-prepare, death-in-a-box meals. We live on skim milk, wheat bread, lean chicken breasts and 96% lean ground beef in this household, a carry-over from growing up in the house of a post-heart bypass patient. Now, don't get me wrong, there are occasional treats here and there, and our Sundays are usually days of gratifying meals with family and friends, but we by no means live on junk food here. Even if we wanted to, we simply couldn't afford it.

I feel like I am eating pretty healthy. I try to eat plenty of fruits and vegetables everyday, and I drink (I have slacked in the last 3 days or so) close to 120 oz (!) of water. So why am I struggling ? Could it possibly be that I am not consuming enough calories?? Being a nursing mom, I am wondering if this is a possibility.

I need to find my zone regarding this whole process. Once I do, I think things will progress better. But I feel like I am moving ahead rather blindly.

Weigh-In

I have been dreading this all day. Why did I agree to do this?? Oh yeah, because I want to fit into this:

and to have arms that look like this again:

And so, my results for Week 1:

Pounds lost : 1

Inches lost*: 3" total

Hips: 1"

Waist: 1"

Chest: 1"

*I measured about 3 weeks ago, so this is not the result of 1 weeks work, I don't think.

I will admit, I was quite disappointed this morning by the low loss. I really worked hard last week. I will definitely be giving it a little more this next week. This is working, though. The fact that I have decided to regularly post about the journey has made me think twice about what I do, and motivates me to try harder for a larger number of pounds off next week. Even if that means scraping ice off of the car in 5*F weather at 7 AM, while wearing capris in order to drive to the gym while my husband and daughter sleep warmly under their covers.