Fall Bliss

Feeling Great *and Eating Well*

This week has been a huge success. It is amazing what a bit of positive thinking and determination will do. I lost a total of 5.5 lbs this past week. I now weigh less than I have since before I graduated over 2 years ago! It feels so good! And just losing the weight has proved motivation enough for me to keep up these new habits I am developing.

Now, what am I doing different? First of all, I am trying to stay focused, which has been the most important part. Second of all, diet and excercise. I sat down last Sunday night with an equation I found for figuring out the amount of calories I should be consuming to reach my optimum weight. I don't have it at hand, but my number worked out to 1400 calories. I also began the week by documenting everything I ate and when I ate it. I don't do anything drastic with the things I eat - I just try to consume healthy, natural, un-processed foods.

I also began walking/jogging the River Trail up the canyon every morning with Peter. It is approximately 4 miles round trip. We just put Little A in the jogging stroller and head out. I think we made it up there 4 days last week. We took Wednesday off, and I deep cleaned my (non-air conditioned) kitchen on Saturday.

TIP FOR THE WEEK:
While perusing other blogs, I found this great web-site (www.eatingwell.com) which has been an awesome tool. It has some good recipes which feature calorie and fat counts, and which you can bookmark into a menu planner. That same program allows you to track your food intake, similiar to the Weight Watchers site, only FREE! I have really enjoyed using it!

I'm Going to Jackson

To make up for a post with so many words...here is one with very few:

THANK YOU FOR A WONDERFUL TRIP, GRANDMA AND GRANDPA!

Selfish

I am struggling to find the words to express my thoughts tonight. Peter and I just returned a few days ago from a week-long trip to Jackson, WY. As I mentioned in a former post, last week was the week I wanted to attain my weight loss goals.

I didn't make it.

It is no surprise to me. It is a dissappointing feeling to know I didn't reach a goal I so badly wanted. But the truth is, I didn't want it bad enough. I want you to know I have not quit, I have not failed. I am losing weight. I haven't gained back any of the weight I have lost, and I weigh less than I have almost 2 years. And I am proud of that. It is extremely frustrating to be where I am at right now, but I do feel I am making progress.

But I came to a realization last weekend. This goal wasn't set for the right reasons. The process wasn't taking place for me. The goal was set to make others happy, to prove something to those I love. I was doing it for Peter, for my daughter, for my family. Those are worthy things, and I realize that, but they were not appropriate reasons for me to lose the weight. In order for me to find the motivation, I have to do this FOR ME. That sounds selfish. It feels selfish. But it also feels right.

I stayed up one night while we were in Jackson talking with my brother and his wife about my husband's school and career choices. Jeremy made the comment that whatever Peter wants to do, he has to be selfish about it in order to make sure he achieves it. He made the comment that it sounds terrible, but in order to accomplish something very important to you, you have to do whatever it takes to make it happen and do the best job you can if you truly want to be happy with what you are doing. And when you are happy doing what you want to be doing, everything else will work out. (Sorry if I butchered this, Jer.) Your family will be happy because you are happy with your choices, you will be successful because you are proud with what you are accomplishing. As I sat here tonight, I realized that this applies to me.

I am going to be selfish. I am going to do what I need to do to lose this weight. I am going to take myself into consideration first. It sounds awful, but as I begin to accomplish this goal for myself, I will become happier, in turn resulting in me becoming a better mother, a better wife, a better woman. I have already started, and it feels different this time. I can feel the success and happiness starting to run through my vines.

SimplyBe: A Giveaway

I found this photographer (www.simplybephoto.com) through the family I tend for. She takes beautiful photos and I am itching to get some done for Little A. She has a giveaway going on through the weekend. Check her out! You'll get sucked in by the photos and understand where I am coming from! I think she could capture Little A's Baby Blues wonderfully.


Post Edit: The link for the photographer was hijacked somehow and was taking people to a weird site. Hopefully it works correctly now.

What You Really Want

Really, we all just want to see pictures...

My two loves

A Work In Progress

Well, believe it or not, I did not drop off the face of the earth. I am lousy at following through with things, I will get that out on the table right now. I am determined not to "belly-flop" though, consider me mid-dive.

I have officially lost all the baby weight which is a wonderful feeling. I gained back most of the weight I lost, but have managed to lose it all plus a few more pounds (about 11-12 pounds total) in the last two and a half weeks. If I keep my focus, I am able to progress. I am so dissappointed in myself, though, for all the time wasted. I have a million reasons why it hasn't happened like I planned. Some are legitimate reasons and some are just excuses. But I am working on it.

I wish I had more self-discipline. I am learning everyday of new weaknesses I posess, or I guess I should say I am starting to recognize existing weaknesses. I want so badly to overcome each and every one of them immediately and become this perfect, strong woman. It has been a great struggle this past week or so to realize that that is not going to happen as quickly as I would like.


I don't know that I have ever been so tired, er, exhausted, in my entire life. There have certainly been times when I have felt worn down and burned out, but there has generally always been a respite following them. Right now, I see no respite in sight. I love being a mother with every fiber of my being. It is truly the role I feel most qualified to play in life. Everyone tells you how tired you will be, but I don't know if it is a concept one can even comprehend until they find themselves here, carrying this mantle that is motherhood. I was not, am not, prepared for the strain of sleepless night after sleepless night. It is taking a toll on me. Little A has had double ear infections followed by teething followed by more double ear infections followed by more teething, for the last 4 months. She sleeps so well during the day for her naps and is the picture of pleasantness, but nighttime rolls around and she is up consistently two to three times a night. Add to that the fact that my husband works a swing shift, and my nights are shot. I wake up around 6:30 am and lay in a fog for an hour.

I need to find a solution. The looming thought of weaning Little A has been on the forefront of my mind lately. It breaks my heart, but I know that in order to lose the weight I need to lose it is going to have to take place. It also might help her sleep through the night better. But she WILL NOT take formula or milk. This is foreign territory for me, and I am at a loss.

That is how I feel right now... at a loss.

I apologize for the length of this post, and the fact that it is likely not coherent. But I feel like things are sorted out a little better in my head...and isn't that the point?

Weigh In & Playlist

Sorry I am getting this posted so late. Folding what felt like 50 loads of laundry (I am pretty bad, I wait until we are on our last pair of underwear to do the laundry. I really hate it!) all morning and taking care of 2 babies all afternoon slowed me down a bit today.


The results for Week 4:

Pounds lost: -1

Inches lost: -1" total
Waist: -.5''
Hips: -.5''
Chest: I am no longer going to measure this. Where I am nursing it is impossible to get an accurate number.

I am fitting into clothes I haven't worn since the first month or two of my pregnancy, and some from before that. It is satisfying. I know it is not a large number, but I am ok with it.

Now for the playlist!! Thanks for your suggestions. I think I included all I could find and download. Oh, and Mel, I am a sucker for some good '80's music, but my tastes are a little more "synthesized", I think.

The Playlist is off to the right ===========> And you can listen to most of the songs at the bottom of the page. Check it out!

Come. Read. Comment.

Regardless of what the Blogger Role says, this blog has been updated more recently than 3 months ago. This post is simply to make it appear as more recently updated, because no one (except Hilary) is reading my blog. LAME!

I beginning to feel like the pathetic girl at the outcast table.

Weigh-In

Week 3 Results:

Pounds lost : 2
Inches lost: 1" total
Hips: 0"
Waist: .5"
Chest: .5"

Simply stated, progress is rewarding! I was down four pounds at one point midweek, but a birthday dinner with the in-laws took care of two of those for me. Like Peter has said - this is probably more sustainable than large amounts lost one week and none the next.

Ok, so my goal for this week (besides losing some more L B's) is to come up with a decent workout playlist. It is amazing how something so silly can make or break your enegry level, and quite frankly, my list sucks right now. I am sending out my plea to blogdom! Help me save my playlist!! Leave me 3+ songs (artist and title) down there in the comment section that you love to work out to. I will publish my finalized list once I have one that I feel I can listen to for more than one session.

It's 6 AM? Really?

She did it! She finally slept through the night again!! I thought the day would never come.

Hallelujah!

After 2 months of getting up at 2:30 AM or 3 AM and then again at 6 AM, Little A decided it just wasn't worth waking from sugar-plum land last night. I heard her talking to her self this morning, rolled over to see the clock (expecting it to read some unholy hour yet again) and laid there in stunned shock to see it was 6 AM. I fed her, and she decided to go right back to sleep for another 2 hours!!

Prayers have been answered, and the world quite possibly could be coming to an end.

Note: Not an actual photo of last night's miraculous events.

Weigh-In

Let's just get this out on the table:

Week 2 Results:

Pounds lost : 0 (But at least it wasn't a gain.)

Inches lost*: 1.5" total
Hips: 0"
Waist: 1"
Chest: .5"

I am disappointed, but not surprised. I let too many things interfere this past week like the weather, a child who decided sleeping at night was not her cup of tea, and the risidual soreness from a few Pilates workouts. The excercising is not a problem, as long as I get it done. I really enjoy my workouts, and they provide some much-appreciated solo time that is so rare as a new mom.

I try to only buy healthy foods and make most everything from scratch. I avoid prepackaged, easy-to-prepare, death-in-a-box meals. We live on skim milk, wheat bread, lean chicken breasts and 96% lean ground beef in this household, a carry-over from growing up in the house of a post-heart bypass patient. Now, don't get me wrong, there are occasional treats here and there, and our Sundays are usually days of gratifying meals with family and friends, but we by no means live on junk food here. Even if we wanted to, we simply couldn't afford it.

I feel like I am eating pretty healthy. I try to eat plenty of fruits and vegetables everyday, and I drink (I have slacked in the last 3 days or so) close to 120 oz (!) of water. So why am I struggling ? Could it possibly be that I am not consuming enough calories?? Being a nursing mom, I am wondering if this is a possibility.

I need to find my zone regarding this whole process. Once I do, I think things will progress better. But I feel like I am moving ahead rather blindly.

Weigh-In

I have been dreading this all day. Why did I agree to do this?? Oh yeah, because I want to fit into this:

and to have arms that look like this again:

And so, my results for Week 1:

Pounds lost : 1

Inches lost*: 3" total

Hips: 1"

Waist: 1"

Chest: 1"

*I measured about 3 weeks ago, so this is not the result of 1 weeks work, I don't think.

I will admit, I was quite disappointed this morning by the low loss. I really worked hard last week. I will definitely be giving it a little more this next week. This is working, though. The fact that I have decided to regularly post about the journey has made me think twice about what I do, and motivates me to try harder for a larger number of pounds off next week. Even if that means scraping ice off of the car in 5*F weather at 7 AM, while wearing capris in order to drive to the gym while my husband and daughter sleep warmly under their covers.

High Dive

I have been contemplating this next move for over a month now...

It's a bit like deciding to jump of the high dive...first you talk about it, a lot. Then you decide not to do it. Then your friends call you chicken. You reply with, "I'm not a chicken!" and climb out of the pool wondering why on earth you are doing what you are about to do. You stand shivering in line at the bottom thinking, "Really?! Really?!?" As you begin to ascend the ladder and walk out on the diving board, your heart begins to pound out of your chest, and then you quickly turn back and contemplate going back down the ladder. You probably repeat this process a few more times. What is the worst that could happen? Public humiliation as you belly flop? Pain? A swift rescue by the nearest lifeguard? Or maybe you enter the water smoothly, experiencing a new sense of adventure and the sweet taste of victory for conquering your fear and proving something to the doubters.

I am ready to jump.

Today represents my dive.

Only the days and months that follow will show whether I belly-flop (no pun intended) or show my grace.

I have been working for several weeks to lose weight, eat healthier, become better at taking care of myself. My goal is to be 70 pounds lighter by the Huge Family Reunion in July.

In order to motivate myself and increase my chances at success, every Tuesday I will log on and record my progress towards my goal. I WILL NOT tell everyone my current weight, but will record the number of pounds lost each week, as well as how I am doing it. I trust you to hold me accountable. Check back...let me know you are watching...and "weighting"...and holding your breath as I jump.

I have yet to come up with a catchy name for this weekly post, so if you have any ideas, I am open.

Let the diving begin.